Maya Angelou Quote

You meet people, like them, let your guard down and then what do they do:  show you their true colors.  I quote Maya Angelou when I say this “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”  To me, this means when people really show you who they are.  Sometimes this is not the first time you meet them, or the after a month or year.  Sometimes, its after several months or years.  Its that moment when they wrong you.  You really learn people when they do something wrong to you.  If they apologize and you’re able to call it square, them usually they’re okay.  However, if they end up throwing a rock and hiding their hand, well then that tells you who they really are right there.  A liar is a liar is a liar.  You have to call it what it is.

What’s so hurtful when this happens, is when its from people who you love or care about deeply.  These are the people you have your complete guard down for.  I’m naturally not a very trusting person, for many different reasons.  That’s an entirely different post for another time though.  However, this post is one of the reasons why I don’t trust people very often, if at all.  You expect it from people out in the world, people you don’t know, but not from those close to you.  Not from those you may call friends or family.  It cuts deep when it comes from them, especially family.  Unfortunately, you can really get rid of family.  You’re tied to them by either blood or marriage.  No matter how hard you try, you can’t just throw them away or avoid them.

At times, the situation gets even more sticky when it’s a family member or members who you can’t speak openly to.  You don’t know what to say, how to say it, when to say it, or if you should even say it at all.  You’re stuck in a real pickle!  The resentment sets in, your passive aggressiveness is now in full affect.  Discomfort in their presence is the only emotion you feel.  What to do, you say?  Pray – it’s the only answer.

They’ve already shown you who they, so there’s nothing you can do.  You have to forgive, although it can be very difficult to forget.  When a situation is too big for us or out of our control, we have to pray for God to guide and lead us in the right direction.  The direction you should not go in is not coming down to that person’s level.  Be the bigger person, turn the other cheek, because the only person’s time you waste is yours.

I don’t say this easily, because I struggle letting go of things and sometimes forgiving.  It takes me a long time to get over being burned.  I don’t know if its because I end up being more upset with myself for letting my guard down, than with the person for wronging me.  Whichever it is, I have to work at it…a lot.  Sometimes there’s closure, other times not.  I’ve learned to deal with it, not be okay with, but deal.

How do you deal?  What’s your response to being burned?

Tenns Reid

I'm Tenns, the blogger, graphic designer, and business + content creation strategists behind Bliss & Faith. This is my little corner of the web that I've dedicated to helping fellow bloggers and creatives reach their goals. I'm so glad you dropped by and hope that you that you find valuable resources here to help you achieve your dreams!

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26 Comments

  1. I’ve been going through something similar with a family member. My reaction is to usually ignore and erase. Not my best move but with the kids and working, I don’t have time to keep trying.
    Anyway, food for thought for me. Thank you.

    1. Tamara, I felt like you were reading my mind with your response! I think I could take a tip from you and ignore and erase. You can only try and try before you just have to let it go. Time is much better spent not giving it energy. Thanks so much for your food for thought! 🙂

  2. This post is so true. I’ve found that family members tend to be the ones who have hurt me the most, mostly ones who aren’t believers in Jesus Christ. It seems that I don’t have any issues ever with people who aren’t believers in Christ that aren’t family or who are complete strangers. I think it has to do with the fact that there is so much history with family and they might have raised me, etc. But, I believe that the scripture about believers not wrestling against flesh and blood pertains to situations like this for sure. Knowing that it has to do with a more spiritual component is extremely helpful for me. I’ve also had to learn that as close as I would want to be with them, it is actually not something that is healthy for me because I know where they stand on their beliefs and how many of them choose to live their lives. This greatly impacts what you might call “true colors” or their disregard for others and my feelings. I’ll admit that it has hurt in the past, but I don’t expect too much from unbelievers. Now for believers, it is always easier to discuss and talk things out because both of our hearts seek to honor God and do His will. Be encouraged, love.

  3. I’ve encountered some of these people you describe, and sadly, some are related. But life is too short to dwell on those who bring nothing but negativity, so I move on.

  4. This is always a touchy subject because you never want to be THAT person .. you strive to do your best to be the best you can be and then you get dumped on like all the hard work you put in is never worth it. The best thing is that you just move on. You will realize that only you can make yourself feel lousy for anything. That’s our innate habit — don’t let someone else do it to you.

    Smile beauty — you have so much to smile about!

    Lanaya | xoxo
    http://raising-reagan.com

  5. I have been in the place more times than I care to count. I think I am like you in that I become more agitated with myself for allowing myself to be ‘dooped’ by them. I keep asking myself how I didn’t see it coming or see through their facade. Then I try to forgive and forget but it’s that last part that usualy comes hardest…the forgetting. It’s then I have to call my faith to the front and lay my human nature to the side because without that I would have a short list of people I trust. Truly.

    Great post Lovie! xoxox

  6. I can completely relate to you in this post. It is very difficult to be burned, especially when it takes a lot for you to trust people. I am exactly the same way. Once I learn who someone really is, it is even more difficult for me to trust them or anyone else for that matter. I start questioning what I did to deserve that treatment, or whether or not all of my friends or family are doing the same to me. I question everyone’s loyalty when I’m hurt. In the past few years, I have just learned to let it go. Everyone is not like the individual that hurt me. It has allowed me to live a more fulfilling life.

    Thanks so much for sharing on Turn It Up Tuesdays! We love having you! Great post! 🙂

  7. I’m taking a deep breath and will try to answer your question without personal history. First, you are now a momma. You need to reevaluate whether or not to cut off the part of your family that has hurt you and more importantly might hurt your children.

    I had to make that decision when I saw fear in my children’s eyes.

    You may not have that extreme a situation with your family but what will these relatives teach your children by what they do?

    So, you’ve got some thinking to do. Off to read another blog of yours.

    Enjoy your SITS Day.

  8. It is definitely sad when it holds true in regards to family members. I have a few whom that holds true and definitely just learned to stay away. They love to talk for the sake of talking with little consideration as to what comes out of their mouth but that’s OK because I do. Best of luck handling these people in your life Tenns! Happy SITS Day! -Iva

  9. Hi! Visiting you from The SITS Girls! A very good post. Truly honest. I’ve seen that happen and it is always painful and very difficult to deal with. You are right, prayer is the answer, it softens the heart and gets the bridges repaired again. Wish you the best with your blogging!

    1. Thanks so much for dropping by!

      Yes, it can be very trying, but I always rely on my faith. I think the bridges being repaired is the one thing that we always hope for. I know I sure do, but I have to continue to work on forgiveness. Fortunately, God can put that forgiveness in my heart!

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